You have to listen to me. Everything we hold dear is at stake. The aliens are coming and I have proof. My name is James Leez. It all started last summer when the gray man walked into my forever struggling skin dancing establishment, "Wiggles."
The gray man didn't say much. He didn't have to I guess cause he was a big tipper. He wore a trench coat and fedora even though it was just a week since the 4th and hot as sweaty balls outside. Well, after that day, the gray man became a permanent fixture at Wiggles.
He was odd all right. He'd just sit there, right next to the stage, scribbling notes on a small pad with a short pencil. Everybody wondered about him but truth was the gray man was my best customer, easily dropping a thousand bucks a night on drinks and lap dances.
It was only a few weeks ago that the gray man made his move. He started circulating his business cards amongst my dancers. Seems the gray man was a plastic surgeon specializing in breast implants.
His card simply read:
Dr. Grayman's Silicon Magic
Puts Mother Nature to shame
1-800-SiliconX
He'd offered the girls incredible discounts and layaway plans. Some of the girls were creeped out but when Juggsy Bubbles showed up last Halloween sporting a mouth watering set of Triple H mammalian protuberances the other girls sat up and took notice.
Nobody had ever witnessed such fine craftsmanship; nary a scar to be detected. And you could squeeze those puppies harder than a roll of Charmin; so goddamned natural were they. More natural than nature ever intended; it was nothing short of eerie.
Juggsy soon began making cash hand over fist, and who can argue with success? Before I knew it, the gray man had outfitted all my dancers with breasts that my patrons simply could not resist.
Business was through the roof!
The entire town packed Wiggles every damned night. The Fire Marshal showed up because we were in violation of code but he took one gander at my girls' silicon marvels and the next thing I knew the town's fire department, police department and EMTs were all shoving dollar dollar hollers in my all my girls' G-Strings.
I couldn't have been happier and I started making plans to expand and franchise Wiggles. The gray man promised to make my wildest dreams come true. We cut a deal and he became the exclusive supplier of silicon to the girls of Wiggles in perpetuity.
But, things were odd.
While my dancers were always superficial to begin with, now they didn't even seem to have emotions. They ceased doing blow and drinking. Soon, all the men in my small town barely paid attention to their wives and kids. They began giving the girls large sums of cash, expensive gifts; madness washed over the town like a silicon tsunami.
Marriages and homes were on the rocks. It finally came to a head last Thanksgiving when all the wives showed up; turkey dinners gone untouched by their husbands was the final straw. Their collective wrath was soon to fall on Wiggles because those neglected housewives and squeezes and mistresses and girlfriends knew beyond a shadow of a doubt where their collective menfolk were to be found; down at Wiggles doing the dollar dollar holler.
The lynch mob stormed my joint second amendment style. Just then Juggsy, as if she had been tipped off, slammed the doors shut and the blood bath began. The men cheered the strippers on as they beat the wives and girlfriends to death with their bare hands. Apparently, the dancers were now impervious to bullets; they just bounced off their chests like the strippers of Planet Krypton.
Afterwards, all the men wordlessly started piling the bodies out back with the efficiency of an ant colony. Now the men have taken to wearing leashes, gag balls and butt plugs the moment they enter Wiggles; absolute subjugation is the order of the day.
I don't want any part of murder but they've been holding me hostage in my own joint ever since. The gray man and Juggsy are now running things and they are selling franchises of Wiggles all across the country like hotcakes.
Can you hear that sound? It's the death knell of family values.
Hug your women and children and most importantly: whatever you do stay out of strip clubs named Wiggles!!
Originally submitted to r/nosleep. Removed by moderators. Published in Crucifiction by Krafto Matix.
