I had two things going for me. I speak excellent English with little accent (thanks to Nuns in orphanage and Priests in Church) and I have legs up to my neck.
The farang always tell me same, "Hello. I love you. Won't you tell me your name?"
It like shooting fish in jacuzzi. They always buy me lady drink after lady drink. They promise me sky and moon but I always know what they reallywant.
Men always predictable. I learn this very young thanks to Priests in Church. Each year farang scrape together all their dollars, pounds and Euros just to come to Land of Smiles on holiday for same thing.
The other girls in my bar very jealous of me but it not bother me. Mama sanalways make sure she protect her investment. Besides, I very very tall for Thai girl, almost 1.9m, and know Thai boxing but that different story not for now.
Men always want to give me gifts and treat me good like they want me to be wife. I not interested in just man money. I want man who respect himself and not too old. That my number one favourite.
So many girls go with fat Grandpa but I want not too old. I like fit man who take care of himself. Man who take good care of himself take good care of me.
This how I spend last few years in Bangkok but I never let myself fall in love.
Man think I love them but I like to please. Man not exactly priceless but I treat as if. I give good massage and I do whatever man like. He want to put leash on my neck I say, "Okay!" He want me to tie him up and step on his balls, I say, "Okay!" He want me pee in his mouth, I say, well you get picture.
Only thing I no like is when they want to take pictures or make movie. I always make sure they not making movie of me. I no like that. Understand, right?
Anyway, last week I meet young guy from America. He good looking and have nice clothes. He take me to dinner at fancy restaurant and he even speak little Thai. He no want sex right away. He want make friend. I say, "Okay," because he nice and make me laugh. He take me shopping and buy me shoes. I love shoes most.
He try give me money but I not take.
After many days together, finally, I say, "You no like me?" and then I start to cry.
"You're right. I don't like you. I love you. I want to take you back to America. You marry me?"
I so happy. I no cry since little girl but now cannot stop. I say yes. I say now you no make me keep waiting. We boom boom tonite?
He smile and say, "We boom boom. Boom boom all night."
And we did. Hey buy my favourite whiskey for me and we drink and we boom boom so much. He very traditional. Not even want mouth sex. He keep saying, "I love you sooo sooo much. You're an angel. Simply an angel."
He say, "You love me too?"
I say, "Yes. Love you verrrry much. You most precious man to me."
Never felt heart hurt from love before. I love him so much. This time not pretend.
That night I just look down and watch him sleeping long time. I try to hold on to feeling long as possible.
He look so peaceful. Like little boy. I feel single tear escape from eye. Slide down nose and fall on his cheek. That never happen before. Make me feel very sad. Like heart shatter in too many pieces so can never fix.
Then my cell vibrate. I wipe eyes and send text message reply. I put on my clothes and brush teeth.
I stand next to bed long as I can. I finally bow to him.
Before I rise I kiss him on cheek and taste salty tear. Then I say very soft in his ear, even though I know nothing wake him up, "I love you always but somebody else love your kidneys even more."
Even though so hot in Thailand it still cold world.
From Crucifiction by Krafto Matix.
